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sahuoy 60, Male, Illinois, USA - 44 entries

Aug 2012
4:09 PM CST

Now cold and wet from nicotine addiction the chill of drying out fades with a hot bowl of roasted red with smoked gouda soup and earl grey tea. It appears my interest in writing ignites given the time to do so through this blog. Amused as glad having geared some focus of humanities classes, a priority and mainstay of writing, in my education hopeful benefits will be reaped for scholarly works, lol, from all studies.

Since mom passed away a year ago, one and a half years after dad and three years since the bypass, Metoprolol induced, zombification of my being I'm finally getting some feeling back into my life and iiving. This go around of picking up the pieces after the explosion has not come easy, especially not having anyone for comfort and support. I really would like to have and keep and grow old with a girl of my dreams. A sucker for the younger models, lol, as the older ones seem to demonstrably broadcast their core intentions, I would still truly love to have a family to raise and grow old though how this dream fits with Gods' Will of my life serving him, a very imortant priority, reshapes my life. Missing you mom and dad, always thankful and greatful, it was adventurous fun I now see most only get one chance, the first chance on the go around. Thank You for everything. You were there and even though some of those times were horrible as next to impossible, thank you.

Recalling dad and I riding along for a drop off as he played out his day helping me. Greatful for the memories dad. I miss you a lot. Go Cubs!!! Unless playing the Cardinals. Mom, gosh it makes me so angry to recall my wanting to take dad with Bryan to a Cub game. Just a one time three generations, guys thing to do. All the ranting, angry pestilence saying no, no way. I wish you had let us go. We needed that.. I needed that. You didn't understand but with you ruling the nest and my being treated as dad was was more than I could tolerate and had to leave going far enough away to remain mostly clear of that lifestyle. I wonder if you ever truly knew or even cared to know who I really was. I know you did to a point but not far enough for me to make peace with you. I wish we could have done more but also thankful for what we have. Metamorphisis, shedding the black cloud of pessimisms. The rebirth begins....

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